on LDR i suppose

The heat is death. I am several shades darker from the recent soccer match & (probably) from constantly walking under the scorching sun. Last week was spent at work, chasing and completing deadlines within the liminal time we have, and than I attended JJ Homecoming Alumni which was kind of shit and failed planning on the school’s side but having to see my friends and the compounds of the school made me nostalgic for a time long past, a time of endless soccer and laughter and tears and happiness.

& than having to meet up with M and gluttoning out for dinner with his friends. I am getting used to this - the booking in and out of training camps - and maybe it’s a sign of growing independence but I feel like this aloneness is not a bad thing for the relationship but one of maturity. I know we had an on-off of long distance relationship for one long year and that itself would set a precursor or foundation for independence from the other but the thing is, it never really came out of my unwillingness. I chose to do the LDR & to take a stab at it by flying continents & time zones away to NYC so I never saw it from his perspective and side of the story - having to antagonize & wait for another. It sucks but I come to realize it isn’t that bad afterall & there is a beauty in enduring it. I like how accommodating his family seems to be over the plight. plus, i managed to convince the lazy ass to sign up for Music Run with me. (ok i confess, it is my first run too)


I become in love with (animals) everything too easily & hastily, from the unmasked, overflowing abundance of joy & enthusiasm plastered on Prince’s drooling face, to the stray cat purring for a little love and warmth. There standing in the porch of the house, and looking gleefully into the living room, hoping that we would look his way. I like animals and their unabashed-ness & genuineness. Even the grouchiest of cats show their displeasure fearlessly. And I am not sure if this is criminal to say but if only humans could be so unabashed and sincere, it would be so much easier to love humanity individually and as a whole. I am a pessimistic optimist & idealist. I hide my cowered heart in fear that I might give it too easily. I trust people and see the good in people’s intention too easily, which is a fault and good by itself. What normally happens: a curious and often violent transition from trusting them wholly to rejecting them wholly, and with it comes the sense of disgust and anger. Friends have berated on my dumbness and mentioned that I could have saved the troubles of being so conflicted and angered by being initially skeptical and doubtful of people. I tried but sometimes I wonder if it is a proclivity of mine, to always give people the benefit of doubt, to believe in the inherent goodness of people, which lands me into the transition I usually undergo. Thing would be better if humans behave in similar ways to animals. You show concern and genuineness and they do so to you or you see it in the spark and depth of their eyes.



This week, I spent it writing & chasing after school deadlines, while playing Sim God in my Sim world. I exorcised most of my writing demons through my book review ramblings over at my book tumblr & Goodreads and through my essays. Reading Einstein’s Cosmos by Michio Kaku now & having read how rebellious and against the education system Einstein was & how he struggled and live in some semblance of poverty post-university because his Professor screwed him over & wrote nasty testimonials about him and than reading about how he tried to talk to Einstein again after knowing who was the author of a revolutionary & radical scientific literature paper makes me think of all the tormented individuals who never had the opportunity to redeem themselves like how Einstein could.