hi coffee and exhaustion

I am feeling really drowsy and tired now and I don’t even know where this exhaustion is coming from but it’s the kind of tiredness that spills all over your body and renders you jelly and slimy.  That’s how I am really feeling right now and I want to grab another cup of coffee (for the third time) but my logical mind tells me I have gone too far and getting that another cup is going to cause me insomnia later on at night. You know that kind of feeling where you left your brain half a world away? I was typing Lana Del Ray into my Spotify and I ended up typing Lanal because in that brief moment, I momentarily forgot what I was searching for. I must have misplaced my brain cells somewhere along the journey to 5:53pm.

Jerald & Ziping's Wedding @ Four Seasons Hotel

The past week has been a blur of assignments and meeting up. I met up with the soccer girls and we sat and had Al Maan and I ate Sambal Style Fried Maggie Mee in what seems to be forever. Verdict: My spicy tolerance has dropped a few levels and I can’t stand spicy. So much I want to write but my mind is emptying itself out. My professors think I have the capacity to pursue masters and honour thesis but practical needs ensue that I dropped my frivolous notion of pursuing honour year -  I mean after all getting a degree is about getting a job in pragmatic Singapore and I already have one waiting for me. (Laughable, considering that in my three & half years of university, I like my final year and/or the higher level modules best.) I think about the empty houses, empty rooms and emptiness in the middle of a stale deathly wintery night. And I think of how I have to return to that state.

And sometimes I don’t even know why I persist in writing and reflecting or in embarking my run on lines and subconscious teetering of thoughts - truth is I really should get back on my work (compiling of press release and PR lists) but I am stunted by an impeccable stillness and numbness inside. I guess as Virginia Woolf says & insists: "the main requisite in re-reading journals is to write as the mood comes of anything…” and than trying to understand it on hindsight.

Gangggg