i went through a month of up & non-stop blurry of action (...visiting auntie, phuket with colleagues, diving at tioman, kayaking, picnics, friends...) & here i am back in this well again. i have no more energy left in me. alas, i should will myself into excitement for i am going to jogja & travelling with my best friends in a few days time. yet, somewhere deep inside, i feel sapped, drained as if this life i am living is one of somnolence and someone’s else. i am a third person, peering through grey tinted glasses, looking at this girl’s life: who is she? it seems surreal. she turned 26 in july, she felt excitement, exuberance, calm, rigour and now i am back again - this blanketed inadequacy, this sense of self hate and this overwhelming feeling of wanting to fall back into eternal sleep. hush, the demons are back here again. they roar inside of my mind and its 3am, she is trapped in this toilet and wishing for a escape out. there’s no escape. this cyclical swing of moods - it comes and goes and she just have to will herself again & again.
“i will be happy. i will be happy. i will be happy. i will be the gayest lark in the sky, singing the canary’s songs of love.”
for the mind is one of plasticity, capable to the master’s bending and willing
for...
this too shall pass. this too shall pass. this too shall pass. this too shall pass.
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