7 March 2013
(Possible) Aspirations for the near future
- Work for UNICEF, United Nations
- Become a journalist or writer reporting on issues that I care about
- Try to see how I can make a career in drawing, painting and being involved in creative ideas
- Become a creative director?
- Apply for Big Cat Rescue VISA Card as my first credit card*
- Do not silence the child in me
- Learn and strive to love unconditionally
*It was something I told myself when I was 15/16. Then, I was really affected by the Big Cats trade (animal trade in general) and the inhumanity of animal eugenics (Ligers etc.) but I was helpless and foolishly idealistic. I remember watching tons of videos and crying myself to sleep, wishing for a better world. And like what an introverted fifteen year old would do, I sought the internet for links and help, hoping that in my way I would eventually be able to do something about it. Friends, this was why you saw me bawling my eyes out like a baby during that one GP lesson in JC when we were watching the documentaries on animal cruelty. How I was so horrified after reading an article that justified the inhumane cruelty and killing of animals and how I tried rebutting the arguments idealistically using my own pathetic reasoning and my imprecise logical deductions and analysis. I was sobbing and crying mainly for my own helplessness; but also for the persistent sickness in our nature which seems to manifest in every thing we do.
We kill, we fight and we wage war all in the vain pride and philosophy that it is just or right, given our circumstances. What is justice or right? Justice is the value of upholding what is fair and reasonable and what is right? Boundaries between right and wrong changes with circumstances and times, and our understanding of the past (how certain actions have horrible implications and consequences) colours how we view them but I believe there is a moral right - my empathy compels me to believe in the sanctity of all lives (human or animals) and I want to defend it.
I remember telling Y three years back, "I want to strive to achieve logical clarity in my mind, so that I can justify and reason analytically for the wills and whispers of the heart." So that the heart will never be deemed as the weaker under the criteria set by the mind, so that the heart will no longer take back seat in decision making just because it is seen as the inferior faculty. I think somewhere, along the process, I lost my purpose and forgot why, why I wanted to learn the humanities in an university instead of going to an art school, why I wanted to improve myself as a person....
I think ultimately, I want to improve myself, my mind so that I can love better.
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